The Flighty Press

Jeremy Clarkson.

Corporeal marmite. Marmite made human. The malt-meister. Er, Dr Maltenstein. 

Love him or hate him, you have to admit; that he’s done an awful lot for British farming in recent years. Namely, awareness. I – along with many others, I’m sure – was flabbergasted, genuinely, when I heard about the princely £144 profit made in his first year. I expected farmers to be raking it in, to be making millions of pounds year after year. They grow food, don’t they? And, like it or not, we all must eat. Therefore, you’d expect farmers to be basking upon a ‘lazy river’ of cash brought about by consistent demand. 

It was on this keystone of logic upon which my assumptions were founded. It was Clarkson’s efforts that subsequently plucked it out, bringing the whole damn bridge with it. 

Anyway, onto the book.

Jeremy Clarkson’s Home to Roost is a wonderfully curated collection of his Sunday Times columns printed on deliciously thick paper, alongside some rather excellent illustrations. Seriously, this book is a joy to read. It speaks to Clarkson’s journalistic prowess that he’s able to blend wit, anecdote and topical insights in a way that makes you want to read more. I find it quite remarkable how he’s adapted his journalistic chops to the realm of farming. Where once he waxed poetically about the snarling of engine cylinders, he now does so about soil preservation – and the 90 years or so our soil actually has left. Scary stuff. And yet, he does it damn well. 

Even the little things, like the red tractor sticker one might find on produce in shops. It’s one of those things that yes, we’ve probably all seen, we’ve probably all acknowledged. But do we really think about it? No! Of course we don’t. It is but a fleeting mental image – quickly dissolved upon the next glance at our shopping list. Broccoli, anyone?

So, we don’t think about national food security. Nor do we think about farmer livelihood, where every penny counts in the Game of Agricultural Economics. Like Game of Thrones, but arguably bloodier. We, the consumers, just want a cheap weekly shop. And with the Cost of Living in mind, we really don’t want to spend more than we must. Nevertheless, Clarkson makes a damn good argument as to why we probably should spend those few extra pennies. It’s just one of the many points in his book that highlights just how tough it is for farmers everywhere.

Like Clarkson, the book is bold and boisterous. It gleefully casts aside the tedium of bureaucracy and advocates for a cause that has nestled itself firmly in his – admittedly a tad clogged – heart. It makes you think, it entertains and it warms you too. Like a bottle of his famous Hawkstone Lager. Speaking of which, I still need to give that a try… 

To conclude, the book is well worth a read and I’d most definitely recommend it. It’s informative, funny and superbly written. It advocates for change in a way that balances between delicious scandal and thought-provoking commentary.

And here’s a message to Clarkson, not that he’ll ever read this: Stay alive you daft twat. You’ve brought joy to millions of people and we’d rather you stick around for many years to come. And…thank you. Truly. 

Anyway, enough soppiness. 

My rating: 8.1/10 – Call me pretentious, but I’d rate it higher if the book had more continuity. Being a collection of columns, the differing topics chapter by chapter can leave you feeling like a ping-pong ball caught in a whirlwind. Nevertheless! Definitely worth a gander. 

A quote worth including, from his Amazon TV show ‘Clarkson’s Farm’: 

‘If you hear a farmer complaining about the weather, put your arm around him and buy him a pint. He’s not complaining about working in the rain. He’s complaining because it’s crucifying.’